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SUNDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2006
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SCOTT MORRIS

You probably shouldn’t vote if ...

If you're debating whether to vote next month, you've come to the right place.

You probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if you've heard of Bob Riley, but aren't sure if he plays for the Packers or the Seahawks.

You probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if you think "I Love Lucy" signs are part of a campaign to make you watch TV Land reruns.

You probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if you've just had your sixth beer and the polls don't open for another hour.

You probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if you don't want to be responsible for helping create the next political mess.

You probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if you appreciate your forefathers' fight for independence, but find it inconvenient to leave the house between the hours of 7 a.m. and 7 p.m.

You probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if you plan to cast your ballot with a Zebco 33.

You probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if you don't realize that a candidate is talking about the people in his immediate family when he says "I just want to serve the people."

You probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if you think mudslinging requires a four-wheeler.

You probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if you're likely to forget about the "I Voted" sticker on your shirt and have it come apart in the laundry.

You probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if your airplane carry-on bag says Wal-Mart on the side.

You probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if you think a PAC contains 20 cigarettes.

You probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if you have a Dale Earnhardt Jr. decal on your truck bumper and plan to throw Budweiser bottles if your candidate doesn't win the race.

You probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if you use the words "eeny meeny miny mo" while choosing candidates for state Court of Criminal Appeals.

You probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if you confuse the members of the County Commission with the contestants on "Survivor."

You probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if you start assembling your tree stand after a candidate says "the buck stops here."

And finally, you probably shouldn't vote in the Nov. 7 general election if you didn't realize there was an election until you read this column.

Scott Morris Scott Morris
DAILY City Editor

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