News from the Tennessee Valley Columnists

Steve Stewart

Code Red: Screeners nab airport cheese

Atlanta's airport security thought they'd found terrorists disguised as mission workers.

Group member Ashley Pentecost told Lauren Howard that X-rays located possible C4 explosives in suitcases.

Closer examination showed the Decatur Baptist Church group was armed, all right — with 2-pound boxes of Velveeta cheese to feed Romanian gypsies.

Not that Ted Kennedy

Introduced as the dean of the Alabama Bar Association, Decatur's John Caddell, 95, had a good time speaking at an Alabama Academy of Honor induction in Montgomery, M.J. Ellington reports.

When he got to the name Ted Kennedy, one of the honorees, he thought he'd better explain.

"Somebody asked me how in the world Ted Kennedy got selected for the Academy of Honor in Alabama. This is not the infamous Ted Kennedy from Massachusetts. This is the famous Ted Kennedy from Alabama."

Alabama's Ted Kennedy founded BE&K, an engineering and construction firm.

Panic at the barbershop?

The rumor of a truckers' strike sent drivers scrambling to fill up at gas stations before tanks went dry.

The rumor was the topic of the day in some barbershops, including Carden Salon for Men and Boys. A few folks there admitted to buying gas during the panic, according to Scott Morris.

Someone said the barbers might boost business by starting a rumor about a haircut shortage.

Pizza ploy

One clever thief pretended to have a picky girlfriend to avoid paying for a pizza.

Athens police Lt. Floyd Johnson told Holly Hollman the thief asked Pizza Hut employees if he could show the pizza to his girlfriend. She was in the car, and he needed to show her the pizza to make sure it would be all right.

"They let him, and he kept on going," Floyd said.

Limited commitment

Preaching on the unfortunate tendency of some churchgoers to judge others before judging themselves, Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church's associate pastor, Sherry Harris, recalled a Broom Hilda comic strip. Eric Fleischauer tells the story.

Broom Hilda asks her friend, "Irwin, what would be the best way to make the world a better place?"

Irwin replies, "Start with yourself! Give up your bad habits and evil pleasures. Then when you're good, you'll stand as a shining example to others!"

Broom Hilda swiftly responds, "What's the second-best way?"

Safety in scriptures

On a hot afternoon, Bayne Hughes observed a hitchhiker trying to catch a ride on Alabama 67 outside a Decatur restaurant.

Most people won't stop for fear of being robbed, assaulted or worse, but this woman had a unique way to show she would be a safe passenger.

She waved her thumb with one hand and flashed a Bible with the other.

Send stories for You Don't Say to or call Weekend Editor Steve Stewart at 340-2444. Or write P.O. Box 2213, Decatur, AL 35609. DAILY staff members contribute many of the items

Steve Stewart Steve Stewart
DAILY Weekend Editor

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