News from the Tennessee Valley Columnists

Steve Stewart

These knees are made for driving

People amaze state trooper Capt. Harry Kearly with the things they try to do while
driving, reports M.J. Ellington from Montgomery.

Harry pulled over a multi-tasking driver. She was talking on her cell phone, smoking and drinking coffee, all at the same time.

"I asked her where her other arm was," he said. "She said she was driving with her knees."

County lines

The weather and updates on sick folks were topics during a February stew luncheon that Limestone County Commissioner Bill Daws held for the community.

People's interest was in politics outside their county.

Holly Hollman overheard the comment "As long as Morgan County stays on the front page, our county's looking good."

The discussion then went into the verbal sparring between Morgan County Commissioner Stacy George and Sheriff Greg Bartlett.

Celebrity speaker

Lawrence County Sheriff's Department Chaplain Mark Wakefield says he enjoys talking with youth groups about safety and deterring crime.

He told Scouts and parents of Cub Scout Pack 222 in Moulton that sometimes his talks put him in the spotlight with the youngsters, Michael Wetzel reports.

"I gave a talk to a group of kindergartners, and one of them went home and told his parents Dr. Phil (of television fame) talked to his class that day."

Mark, who looks a bit like Dr. Phil, added, "I'm not Dr. Phil. I don't have a moustache."

Washing down pizza

Chuck E. Cheese's request for a permit to sell beer and wine at Colonial Mall brought out Decatur City Council members' sense of humor, according to Martin Burkey.

They seemed to think it was unusual.

"Is there a church nearby?" quipped Councilman David Bolding, who was involved in the effort to secure alcohol service for Carnegie Visual Arts Center over opposition from adjacent First Baptist Church.

"I haven't been to Chuck E. Cheese in a while, but I can see why you'd need a beer," Councilman Gary Hammon chimed in.

What's in your wallet?

Doug Schmitt, 57, of Lake Ariel, Pa., recently got back a wallet he lost at a Utah gas station in 1967, when he stopped to fill up his 1955 Austin Healy.

The wallet still contained $5 in cash, a traffic ticket, 8-cent airmail stamps, his freshman ID card from Utah State, photos of high school girlfriends and a dry-cleaning receipt, The Associated Press reports.

The station's owner had stashed the wallet in a drawer, presumably hoping the owner would come back. Ted Nyman found it decades later while cleaning out his father-in-law's estate. He tracked Doug down through the Internet.

Send stories for You Don't Say to or call Weekend Editor Steve Stewart at 340-2444.

Steve Stewart Steve Stewart
DAILY Weekend Editor

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