News from the Tennessee Valley Columnists

Steve Stewart

What would you do inside a big fish?

An adult Sunday school class at Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church tested Bible knowledge with quiz cards, Eric Fleischauer reports.

One question asked what Jonah did for the three days he was inside the big fish.

"Hopefully he fasted," said one learner. "Unless he likes sushi," said another. The third answer trumped those: "I'm sure he was trying to get a cell signal."

The real answer, by the way, was "pray."

Love-struck shoplifters

On Valentine's Day, a manager at Books-A-Million watched two guys browse the aisles.

Each of them allegedly stole a Hallmark card and a Beanie Baby, police said.

The men didn't have the cards when police caught up to them.

Seth Burkett says maybe they had already given them to the ladies who stole their hearts.

Rivals but pals

Natural-gas prices are up because of last fall's hurricanes, but Decatur Utilities rates remained about the lowest in the state, Martin Burkey notes.

DU's board members wanted to make sure customers knew that, perhaps by putting it in the DU newsletter.

Perhaps they shouldn't mention the names of competitors in Huntsville, Hartselle, Athens, Florence and other places that have higher rates, suggested board member Hugh Hillhouse. "They might get upset."

"We get their rates when they call us for ours," Gas, Water and Wastewater Manager Gary Borden assured him. "It's a friendly competition."

Readers near and far

DAILY reporters often are amazed by the distant places from which people react to their stories.

Last Easter, Paul Huggins wrote a feature about the Trinity United Methodist Church choir and its performance of a music drama on the Last Supper.

He has received a half-dozen inquiries from churches across the country, including Hawaii, that wanted to contact the church and get a copy of the drama. Trinity Music Director Ray Phillips said he's received dozens of the same inquiries.

The story is posted at, and Ray sent it to a Web site used by church music directors.

Thou shalt not . . .

Borrowing an idea from a Christian friend, Dean Pride, a Buddhist, posted the Ten Commandments in his yard in Lost Bridge Village, Ark.

He underlined "Thou shalt not steal" for the benefit of potential burglars. Neighbors had experienced break-ins, The Associated Press reports.

Unfortunately, the village property owners' association has its own commandments.

It seems that the Ten Commandments are not on the list of approved signs, and the neighbors wanted them taken down.

Send stories for You Don't Say to or call Weekend Editor Steve Stewart at 340-2444. Or write P.O. Box 2213, Decatur, AL 35609. DAILY staff members contribute many of the items you see here.

Steve Stewart Steve Stewart
DAILY Weekend Editor

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