News from the Tennessee Valley Columnists

Steve Stewart

7-year-old's birthday gifts go to library

When McKenna Maloney of Decatur celebrated her birthday, parents Ken and Tami Maloney were concerned about the number of toys already in her room. They suggested a book party for the Priceville public library.

Having recently moved to Decatur from Georgia, the family of four children fell in love with the quaint library. It reminded McKenna of the library in the movie "Because of Winn-Dixie."

Invitations went to all ages. Both sets of grandparents came from Georgia. Friends and family donated 22 books. A label in each reads, "In honor of McKenna's 7th birthday, this book is donated by ..."

Tami says the partygoers enjoyed cake, stories and games; the library enjoyed the donations; and the parents enjoyed not overwhelming McKenna's room — a win-win for all.

Men, your secret is out

While researching a story on china pattern trends, Kate Klepper kept hearing that men really do enjoy being involved in the wedding registration process. Those saying this were all female. Fact or fiction?

"That '70s Show" caught Kate's attention while flipping TV channels. A woman asked her groom-to-be to help register for wedding gifts. Not wanting to go, he sought advice from buddies.

They insisted he select the ugliest pattern in stock. This would convince his fiancee he suffered from bad taste, and he would never again be forced to shop against his will.

Kate's male friends admitted disinterest in china, but were upset to learn their secret trick was exposed.

Hardball politics

Carnac the Magnificent, the classic Johnny Carson character, made his annual appearance at the Kiwanis Club of Decatur and showed politicians no mercy. Some of his answers, followed by the questions:

  • Miss Point Mallard. Name the only office Morgan County Commissioner Stacy George is not running for.
  • The DaVinci Code. What did Mayor Don Kyle use to determine the city budget?
  • Two men and a truck. What is Stacy George's most recent plan to staff the new jail?
  • 99.9 percent. What is Vice President Dick Cheney's approval rating since he shot a lawyer?

    Not yo' what?

    Carnac (who looked a lot like Tommy Daniels and whose sidekick was a ringer for Will Woller) also shared what you might call redneck Spanish:

  • Nacho cheese. What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

    All this is according to Michael Smith, who writes the club newsletter when he's not directing the Alabama Sheriffs' Youth Ranch.

    Just watch the road

    An online poll sponsored by Mitsubishi Motors identified the wackiest street names, and the winners included:

    Psycho Path in Traverse City, Mich.; Divorce Court in Heather Highlands, Pa.; the intersection of Lonesome and Hardup in Albany, Ga.; the intersection of Clinton and Fidelity in Houston; and Tater Peeler Road in Lebanon, Texas.

    Send stories for You Don't Say to or call Weekend Editor Steve Stewart at 340-2444. Or write P.O. Box 2213, Decatur, AL 35609. DAILY staff members contribute many of the items you see here.

  • Steve Stewart Steve Stewart
    DAILY Weekend Editor

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