News from the Tennessee Valley Columnists

Steve Stewart

Hello?! Just do as I say, not as I do

John Godbey was driving on Danville Road Southwest and noticed a bumper sticker in front of him bearing the image of a telephone and the words “Hang up and drive.”

John also noticed that the vehicle containing this sticker was moving slowly. He took a close look at the driver and realized the man was talking on a cell phone.

Feeding the fed

A top official for the Appalachian Regional Commission from Washington seemed to enjoy the luncheon spread here at the North-central Alabama Regional Council of Governments. Richard Peltz didn’t skimp when filling his plate, Melanie Smith reports.

Alternate federal co-chair of the Appalachian Regional Commission, he said the cornbread dressing was his first. He went back for a second helping of strawberry pretzel salad.

NARCOG employees said it’s a tradition for them to make all of the dishes, which filled several tables.

Richard told the Daily editorial board that he orders slaw from a start-up food company in the Shoals Commercial Culinary Center, which the ARC helped start.

Above and beyond

In the interest of “researching” video sweepstakes machines, Daily reporter Seth Burkett sat down and tried his luck at one of the slot-machine-like devices.

He finally got the hang of it and hit a big win — about 18 bucks if he had simply cashed out and left.

At that point, he had spent only the $20 that his editor told him he would be reimbursed for.

What did he do? He played until he lost the $18 and then spent about $20 more in an attempt to get a big payoff.

“Next time,” he told his editors, “don’t send a degenerate gambler on an assignment like this.”

This’ll take some time

Some graduate students had just received a research paper back from their professor. At least one of them was disappointed in his grade.

“What’s wrong with me?” he lamented.

One of the women sighed.

“Whenever a man says something like that,” she said, “I just don’t know where to start.”


Parolees are paying their debt to society by serving as Salvation Army bell-ringers in Greenwood, Ind.

These nonviolent offenders were convicted of misdemeanors like public intoxication and marijuana possession. They don’t have the opportunity to steal people’s charitable donations because the collection buckets are locked and chained.

Mayor Richard Hartman said recently that the program had been problem-free, according to The Associated Press.

Send stories for You Don’t Say to, or call Weekend Editor Steve Stewart at 340-2444. Or write P.O. Box 2213, Decatur, AL 35609. Daily staff members contribute many of the items you see here. This column appears Sundays and Wednesdays.

Steve Stewart Steve Stewart
DAILY Weekend Editor

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