News from the Tennessee Valley Columnists

Steve Stewart

911 sets coyotes a-howlin’

Wheeler National Wildlife Refuge Manager Dwight Cooley doesn’t have to wait till nightfall to hear the howl of a pack of coyotes near his headquarters.

When emergency vehicles pass by on Alabama 67 with sirens blaring, they have the same effect as one coyote beginning to sing.

It sets off a symphony around the woods, Dwight told Paul Huggins.

A clean phone

Wanted: a clean cellular telephone and a repairman.

Jenny Tankersley of Hartselle wanted the cell phone. Her husband, Mayor Dwight Tankersley, wanted the repairman because he couldn’t explain the noise coming from the washer.

As it turned out, all the family got was a clean cell phone, according to Deangelo McDaniel.

In her rush to get clothes into the washer, Jenny had failed to remove the phone from her pocket.

“Good thing it didn’t go down the drain, or they would have blamed the mayor for it,” Dwight said.

Doctor’s note will do

Hartselle city receptionist Renee Shadden, a former journalist, thought she had seen everything.

Deangelo says her thoughts changed when a man came to purchase a business license.

For health reasons, he sought Renee’s help with filling out the application.

To make sure she wasn’t doubting his story about cancer on his buttock, he showed her the bandage.

“It was a full moon the night before,” Renee said.

Bewigged bear

A special stuffed bear honors the late Limestone County gospel singer Jake Hess.

The Southern Gospel Music Association Hall of Fame has a Jake bear with a removable wig of curls, Melanie Smith reports. Jake always joked about his hairpieces. Dressed in a suit jacket and tie with Jake’s signature question-mark tiepin, the bear is one of a series. A Vestal Goodman bear holds a handkerchief, just as the singer always did.

Bears are $15 plus $4 shipping and handling, and may be ordered by calling (865) 908-4040.

For the girls

The ESPN Zone sports bar in Chicago holds an annual Ultimate Couch Potato Contest. This year’s defending champion was Jason Pisarik, who sat through 30 consecutive hours of TV sports last year.

Contestants must look constantly at TV screens, except for a 15-minute break every eight hours and a five-minute break every hour.

The only woman competing this year was Stacy Gleason, a 39-year-old mother of three, according to The Associated Press.

“I’m doing this,” she said, “for girls everywhere who don’t get to do this while their husbands morph into the furniture watching sports on TV.”

Send stories for You Don’t Say to steve@decaturdai, or call Weekend Editor Steve Stewart at 340-2444. Or write P.O. Box 2213, Decatur, AL 35609. Daily staff members contribute many of the items you see here. This column appears Sundays and Wednesdays.

Steve Stewart Steve Stewart
DAILY Weekend Editor

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