News from the Tennessee Valley Columnists
SUNDAY, JUNE 24, 2007

Steve Stewart

Bible schools for children big and small

Many volunteers and even staff members at local vacation Bible schools demonstrate that it’s not just children who have a good time.

The “Avalanche Ranch” theme at St. Paul’s Lutheran Church brought out the Wild West in some people.

Melanie Smith says the word from an onlooker was that the Rev. Eddie Scheler, pastor, wore cowboy boots and shorts.

At least one teacher taught a lesson while sitting on a saddle. Three-foot-tall balloon horses were props that attracted horseplay.

About 169 children joined in the fun.

Red(-faced) Robber

We wonder if the man who robbed the credit union at International Paper Co. in Courtland on June 15 realizes the jokes made at his expense.

Folks in Lawrence County are referring to him as The Red Robber or The Red Man.

That’s because the bag of cash he grabbed had a red dye bomb inside.

It exploded and coated him and the inside of his car in dye.

An employee with the county jail told Holly Hollman that The Red Robber probably scrubbed so hard to get the dye off that he ended up turning his skin red.

Earnhardt in church bus?

Fans called NASCAR great Dale Earnhardt Sr. the Intimidator.

But what would they call Dale if he drove a church bus instead of a race car?

Scott Morris has the answer after vacationing in the mountains of Virginia near Bristol, Tenn.

He was driving slowly down a winding road when he looked in the rearview mirror and noticed a church bus on his bumper.

Across the front of the bus appeared these words: “The Christianator.”

Awkward question

The Daily’s Amy Pollick was looking at a picture of two toddlers, trying to determine which was which.

She phoned one of the mothers.

The problem was that the children looked a lot alike. After her efforts to describe them failed, the mother finally asked Amy, “Which one is prettier?”

Amy knew better than to fall into that trap. She focused the conversation on rosy cheeks and sippy cups, not willing to risk telling a mama that somebody else’s child was better-looking.

Do you get it?

Dorothy Vinson of Decatur passes along some definitions from The Washington Post, which had asked readers to take any real word; add, subtract or change a letter; and define the new word:

  • Bozone (n.): the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.

  • Sarchasm (n.): the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

  • Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom.

  • Caterpallor (n.): the color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

    Send stories for You Don’t Say to, or call Weekend Editor Steve Stewart at 340-2444. Or write P.O. Box 2213, Decatur, AL 35609. Daily staff members contribute many of the items you see here. This column appears Sundays and Wednesdays.

  • Steve Stewart Steve Stewart
    DAILY Weekend Editor

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