News from the Tennessee Valley Columnists

Steve Stewart

Fattening the calf with TLC

Cows getting fattened for slaughter can at least enjoy their last months on Danny Junkins’ farm, according to Paul Huggins.

The Falkville man gets so attached to his livestock, he treats them like family, said his friend Roger Holt.

Recently when asked to fatten a calf, Danny decided to bring in another cow, just to keep her company. Then he added a radio, then a fan to keep them cool.

“All this for an animal they’re going to slaughter,” Roger said.

He added that Danny can never eat an animal he raised.

Humor in plain sight

You know you’re in trouble if your friends laugh when they see you coming and you don’t know why.

Decatur City Councilman David Bolding found everyone laughing when he arrived at an event.

He soon discovered they had all been sent an e-mail showing a washing machine sitting on his front porch in Old Decatur.

It seems Norman Roby passed by, saw the washer, pulled out his digital camera and started spreading the joke.

The washer was reportedly “Hiding in Plain Sight” — a candidate for The Daily’s eyesore series — for a few minutes until workmen could finish installing a new one and haul the old one away.

That’s wife Carol’s story, and she’s sticking to it, says Patrice Stewart.

Wanted: Tasteless jokes

Ever been to Dick’s Last Resort in Chicago?

A woman visiting Decatur from Tennessee told Patrice that she and a friend went there looking for sustenance. She scanned the menu and immediately questioned the $9 price for a beer.

“What part of Alabama are you from?” the waiter asked.

“I’m not — I’m from Tennessee,” she replied.

He came back with “So your parents must be cousins!”

As the taunts continued, she realized that it was part of his job to insult people.

The hangout, which is open in several big cities, has a Web site, www.dickslast, which says you can send in tasteless jokes and be rewarded with some cheap token of appreciation.

Real people

Gordon Mote, a Grammy-nominated pianist, composer and singer, told Melanie Smith that every musical star he’s worked with is really just a normal person.

For instance, Alan Jackson is “real shy” and Trace Adkins isn’t the edgy person he seems but is a teddy bear. Martina McBride, once she gets to know a person, will do anything for him or her, according to Gordon.

Gordon performed in Decatur recently at Central United Methodist Church. The church is already planning to bring the Gadsden native back next year.

Send stories for You Don’t Say to, or call Weekend Editor Steve Stewart at 340-2444. Or write P.O. Box 2213, Decatur, AL 35609. Daily staff members contribute many of the items you see here. This column appears Sundays and Wednesdays.

Steve Stewart Steve Stewart
DAILY Weekend Editor

Leave feedback
on this or

Email This Page