News from the Tennessee Valley Columnists

Steve Stewart

You eat better if you have grandchildren

Who needs Big Bob Gibson’s Bar-B-Q restaurant when you have grandchildren?

That’s what Priceville Mayor Melvin Duran argued when he refused a slice of Big Bob’s pie at a meeting of the Metropolitan Planning Organization.

When Melvin’s grandchildren stayed with him, one grandchild asked his wife, Linda, to make a strawberry pie. Linda didn’t bake just one pie — she baked five, one for each grandchild.

“You know those pies at Shoney’s? They’re just like that,” Melvin bragged.

The other attendees at the meeting were more than willing to eat Melvin’s slice from Big Bob’s, reports Catherine Godbey.

Even though Melvin passed on the pie, he couldn’t resist the barbecue sandwich.

Fresh fruit and drink

Who knew a disagreement could erupt over fresh fruit?

Alabama Department of Corrections Commissioner Richard Allen wants inmates to eat healthy and added fresh fruit to their diet, Holly Hollman reports.

That upset wardens.

“They don’t like it because inmates can use the fruit to make hooch,” Richard said.

Never heard that slang? Maybe you’ve called it squeezings or rotgut. You know, bootleg liquor.

“To me, that’s a discipline problem. I just want to make sure they have healthy meals,” Richard said.

Keep Big Sis off the road

A little girl expressed concern while waiting for her older sister to test for a driver license at the Morgan County Courthouse, Sheryl Marsh says.

“I hope she doesn’t pass it,” the girl said with a sigh.

Asked why, she replied, “She scares me.” Those words were coupled with a demonstration of how her sister applies brakes.

Nothing to hide

You can learn from businesses and churches that have highway signs.

Holly Hollman spotted the following in Limestone County on U.S. 72 at Seven Mile Post Road Church of Christ:

“Live as though you had to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.”

Biblical flood plain

M.J. Ellington wanted to make sure that her new house in the Montgomery area is not in a flood plain, especially one requiring flood insurance.

She called the company that surveyed the property to make sure she was reading its report correctly. The surveyor assured her she was.

“If that property floods, you need to be talking to Noah,” he said.

Getting their attention

Farmingville, N.Y., collects recyclables every other week, but somehow it missed Tom Mirabelli’s home twice. So Tom, 61, took his load of cardboard to Town Hall and dropped it there.

The town cited him for littering and obstructing a right of way, according to The Associated Press. But town spokesman Michael Pitcher admitted that Tom had called attention to “a problem that the town wants to be solved.”

Even so, the town must enforce laws against dumping, Michael said.

Send stories for You Don’t Say to, or call Weekend Editor Steve Stewart at 340-2444. Or write P.O. Box 2213, Decatur, AL 35609. Daily staff members contribute many of the items you see here.

Steve Stewart Steve Stewart
DAILY Weekend Editor

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