News from the Tennessee Valley Columnists

Steve Stewart

Some history students just not teachable

At the beginning of the school year, a ninth-grader attended his history class at Austin High School.

The nervous freshman was surprised at the baleful stare he received from the teacher, Eric Fleischauer heard.

“I can’t possibly teach you anything in this class,” the teacher snapped, with just a hint of a grin. “You’re already living in the past.”

The student was wearing a University of Alabama T-shirt.


Chancellors go and come, and other employees leave or get fired. Even chancellors get fired. Another new revelation connected to the state’s two-year colleges hits the headlines every week or two.

The changes make work at the Department of Postsecondary Education hectic, to say the least, says M.J. Ellington.

One college-system employee figured out how to cope with constant change and surprise, and she shares it in a postscript at the bottom of her e-mails.

“Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape,” it reads.

What customers want

“No, PetSmart does not offer tattooing for dogs.”

That is what Ben Vaughan, manager of the new PetSmart store in Decatur, informed a customer at a store in Tennessee. Ben told Catherine Godbey that with the number of products and services PetSmart offers, he has responded “no” only twice to customer questions.

“It sounded strange at the time but made more sense after she explained it,” Ben said about the tattoo question. “The customer wanted to have numbers put on the dog so if he ran away she could find him, like what is done with cattle.”

And no, PetSmart doesn’t offer a branding service, either.

The other question that received a negative response: “Does PetSmart sell monkey food?”

Listen to your spouse

A Decatur man needed a video camera for a college project and was thinking about renting one for more than $100 when his wife recommended first shopping for a cheap digital camcorder. To his amazement, he found a tiny $99 camera, perfect for the job.

“You’re so smart!” he told his wife gratefully.

“I am smart,” she replied. “If you’d just listen to me more, it would be beneficial to us all.”

The man says he wishes he could get college credit for every time the two of them have had that same conversation.

Defying golf odds

Golf Digest did a study that found the odds of two players in the same foursome getting holes in one on the same hole are 17 million to 1.

But Bill Maslowski and Carl Workinger did it in York County, Pa., in a threesome with Steve Fahs at Grandview Golf Course.

Bill used a 5-iron on the 152-yard fourth hole, acing it. Carl then did the same thing with a 6-iron, according to The Associated Press.

Steve missed the green. But he and maintenance worker Carl Fry Jr. got to be witnesses.

Send stories for You Don’t Say to, or call Weekend Editor Steve Stewart at 340-2444. Or write P.O. Box 2213, Decatur, AL 35609. Daily staff members contribute many of the items you see here. This column appears Sundays and Wednesdays.

Steve Stewart Steve Stewart
DAILY Weekend Editor

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