News from the Tennessee Valley Columnists

Steve Stewart

Taste tests for Gala wine, labels

The women planning Decatur General Hospital Foundation’s annual Gala want everything perfect on Dec. 14, right down to the wine selections.

At their tasting, they look at the labels, examining artwork, colors and names. Last year, wines titled “Little Black Dress” and “Gala” won praise.

This year, Le Snoot’s Classy Cab from Snob Hill Winery in Napa County, Calif., was an early favorite — largely because of the two pigs in tuxedos on the label — but didn’t make the final cut, Patrice Stewart reports.

The wine distributor then showed a bottle with an unclothed angel on the label but said she didn’t know whether they could use it.

“I don’t know why not,” said foundation president Trudy Grisham. “We’ve got naked artwork for our silent auction.”

To get in on the naked art and wine for this fundraiser, call the foundation office, 341-2187, for an invitation.

He’s my cousin

Moulton Middle School fourth-grader Jennifer Stewart makes no bones about who is her favorite NFL player. It’s her cousin, David Stewart, an offensive lineman for the Tennessee Titans.

And her second favorite player?

“Well, if it wasn’t David, it would be (Titans quarterback) Vince Young,” she told Michael Wetzel. “I like him, too, but he’s not my cousin.”

Meanwhile, David is glad he’s at the top of her list.

“But Vince isn’t a bad choice, either,” said the 6-foot-7, 318-pound David, who played prep football at Lawrence County High.

Easy on the geezer

“Hey, don’t stand on the preacher!”

The Rev. Steve Caudle, pastor of Trinity Baptist Church, joked that the comment did not come from a deacons’ meeting.

He heard the words from Garrett Mason after finding himself tackled by children, Melanie Smith reports.

Steve had dared about 10 boys that they couldn’t catch him and take him down. They did, and Steve had sore ribs the next day.

The setting was a football game at Trinity between the “Geezers” and 10-year-olds for a Chili Bowl fellowship. The pastor said the Geezers were happy to tie the game.

From funeral to fishing

The axiom “You can’t take it with you” is sometimes paired with “I never saw a hearse with a trailer hitch.”

Well, here’s a hearse that needed a boat trailer.

Police in Wellington, New Zealand, say a mourner got drunk, took a hearse from outside a funeral home and outran pursuing funeral directors.

When police pulled him over, the 46-year-old man told them he was “going fishing,” according to The Associated Press.

The man had a carton of beer in the front of the hearse, but there’s no report of a boat in the back. Nor was there a body in the back.

Send stories for You Don’t Say to, or call Weekend Editor Steve Stewart at 340-2444. Or write P.O. Box 2213, Decatur, AL 35609. Daily staff members contribute many of the items you see here. This column appears Sundays and Wednesdays.

Steve Stewart Steve Stewart
DAILY Weekend Editor

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