News from the Tennessee Valley Columnists

Steve Stewart

Laying down the law to customers

An Exxon station on U.S. 31 in Decatur asks its customers to dress a certain way before entering.

For example, signs ask that men pull their pants up to cover underwear. The signs also ask that females pull down their shirts to cover stomachs and that they cover their bathing suits. The signs ask that both sexes wear shirts and shoes.

The store isn’t enthusiastic, however, about telling customers they must comply with Decatur’s new smoking ordinance.

Michelle Tanner and Holly Hollman noticed another sign, which hangs above the entrance: “By order of the communist council, no smoking.”

Hiking for 2

When Decatur attorney Charles Langham and two hiking pals challenged the Presidential Range of the White Mountains in New Hampshire, they kept bumping into spirited Boston residents.

Charles told Ronnie Thomas that he was feeling upbeat after a five-mile hike down what a guidebook called a “harrowing descent.” Then he met some Boston students who had done 14 miles that day. A young Boston couple arrived at their campsite shortly before sunset. Both carried backpacks.

“I noticed that the female was wearing a wrap and had her arms cradled around something,” Charles said.

“She told me it was her 11-week-old daughter. I was shocked, considering she had just come down the same ‘harrowing descent’ that we had traveled.”

A no-brainer

“I was asked to make a toast,” said Rick Paler, standing, to fellow Decatur-Morgan County Chamber of Commerce members on a trip to Greenville, S.C.

The audience fell silent. Rick is president of the Downtown Development Authority.

“With such an awesome group of people,” Rick continued, holding his glass up, “this one is a no-brainer.”

Eric Fleischauer reports that the room remained silent, except for chamber President John Seymour.

“Well, then, Rick,” he deadpanned, “you’re just the man for the job.”

On TV tonight

Matt Stewart, son of Patrice and me, has a nonspeaking role on an episode of “CSI: NY” that may come on Wednesday night.

It’s definitely nonspeaking. He plays a corpse, probably in the second or third act.

“My disfigured face could be the first thing one sees on coming back from commercial,” Matt wrote us. “Don’t blink.”

Matt, 28, lives in the Hollywood area and helps produce TV shows and movies, occasionally appearing on screen as an extra. He’s a graduate of Decatur High School and The University of Alabama.

“CSI: NY” airs at 9 on CBS. The episode’s main corpse is a female supermodel.

Change for a dollar

Was this a change machine or a slot machine?

Eldon McCammack put a dollar in the change machine at Trojan Car Wash in New Castle, Ind. Out came 1,042 quarters ($260.50).

Eldon, 71, grabbed the top of a trash can to catch the coins. Another customer helped out with a plastic container.

Eldon took his jackpot to the police, who called the carwash’s owner, according to The Associated Press.

Send stories for You Don’t Say to, or call Weekend Editor Steve Stewart at 340-2444. Or write P.O. Box 2213, Decatur, AL 35609. Daily staff members contribute many of the items you see here. This column appears Sundays and Wednesdays.

Steve Stewart Steve Stewart
DAILY Weekend Editor

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