News from the Tennessee Valley Opinion


If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em

To The Daily: As someone born and raised in Decatur back when it was dry (water, water, everywhere, but not a drop of Scotch), I noted with a certain morbid amusement that the benighted — excuse me, I mean “united”— teetotalers of Athens were trying to turn back the clock in a recent election. One of them — a Rev. Eddie Gooch — said he believed the reason the town had gone wet in the first place was that he hadn’t prayed enough. Leaving aside the hubristic (and possibly heretical) notion that the Rev. Gooch alone could have persuaded Jehovah to stuff the ballot box, I wonder what he thinks now that he has — presumably — prayed until the cows came home.

I say with all reverence that I hope he will consider the alternative: Perhaps God arranged the defeat as a sign from above that he means for Athens to be wet. After all, his Son was one of the most creative winemakers who ever lived (John 2:1-11). In keeping with this interpretation (not to mention the Christian spirit of reconciliation and forgiveness), I suggest that he and his followers toddle on down to the fancy new Italian restaurant that recently relocated to Athens because it was civilized, i.e., wet, and order several bottles of Vino Nobile di Montepulciano.

He just might find this Earth can seem like paradise, that he doesn’t have to sit around waiting to go to that place where the joys are listening to harp music all day and staring smugly down into that pit where multiple drinkers are tormented by fire and brimstone (not
to mention the absence of bars).

Praying that you will do so, I raise my glass and say, “Here’s lookin’ at ya.”

Dwight Eddins

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